Everyday Yana Jenay

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New Year Feels

Oh for grace to trust him more….

It’s a new year, and I am ANXIOUS! As soon as 2019 rolled in, anxiety began to creep into my skin and my right eye began to twitch. I was so surprised by this rapid onset of feels. What was there to fear? God, who has always been good to me, had done way more than I asked in 2018. I prayed that God would give me three speaking opportunities. He provided eight! I prayed He would help me move past self-doubt to make significant strides in writing. One writing class and a whole lotta encouragement later, I have a website with a blog series that lived in my mind for years. He even went above and beyond that by allowing my writing to be featured on another blog! One article, The Half-Education of Jay-Z,  came in at #4 on their Editor’s Favorite Articles of 2018 while another, Questioning the Self-Care Movement, rounded out their 10 Most Read Articles of 2018! You see what I’m saying? God has been incredibly kind! And trust me, it’s God! So, why am I so anxious?

I’m anxious because I sense God inviting me to trust Him for more this year…

I’m anxious because this “more” seems to be out of my reach…

I’m anxious because 2018 was so good. Could 2019 possibly be better? Will it be worse?

Can God continue to do what I consider to be impossible through a busy, weak, and undisciplined me? I have a colossal habit of dreaming big, starting well, and not finishing. Was 2018 just a matter of me dreaming big and starting well? Will 2019 be a matter of me not finishing?

Oh for grace to trust Him more…

Oh for grace to trust Him more!

This simple refrain has carried me through these first few weeks of the new year. And though I don’t possess the answers to my questions, I do possess a relationship with a God who will meet me with His all-sufficient grace in every moment the new year brings.

For many Christians, we tend to primarily think of grace as God’s undeserved kindness for salvation. However, there is a secondary meaning of grace that is just as glorious. Grace is also God’s undeserved power to fulfill our God-given calling.

A few years ago, a friend asked me, “Yana, what do you fear the most?”. Before I could even fully consider the question, my lips parted to say, “I fear not being everything God created me to be.” I don’t think I fully understood what I was saying or even had an immense amount of clarity on what I sensed God created me to be. As a matter of fact, I know I didn’t. I just knew I didn’t want to miss it. I didn’t want to fall short.

Now that I have more clarity on who my Creator has made me to be, I want nothing more than to bring Him glory. I want to steward my life, my story, and His gifts with a great deal of intentionally and freedom. However, this desire gets choked out  when I focus solely on what I bring to the table.

I bring a track record of inconsistency.

I bring paralyzing feelings of self-doubt.

I bring weakness.

I bring pride.

It is only when I remember what God brings to the table that I am able to move forward.

He brings a track record of consistently fulfilling His work through broken and inconsistent people.

He brings a confidence in Him that every doubtful heart can trust.

He brings  grace that will empower His people to fulfill the good works He prepared ahead of time for us to walk in (Ephesians 2:10).

Beloved, our all-knowing and wise God has provided grace that not only saves us, but also gives us the ability to be who He made us to be and do what He called us to do. He knows we can’t fulfill His calling on our own. Therefore, He offers His grace. And, this grace abounds. It is our daily bread for life and godliness, empowering us to “say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age (Titus 2:12). It is the power by which we are strengthen to fulfill His calling.

Oh for grace to trust Him more!

May this be my daily refrain.